This week has been both very eventful and not eventful at the same time. I’m not really sure how those two can coincide, but they have. I have felt more alive and more connected with the true reality of my identity in Christ, even though yesterday I woke up at 1pm. (not proud of that, of course)
I am in the process of getting my life back together. I feel like collectively there was the initial quarantine era of “Everything is crazy, but I will still be productive” and then everyone suddenly had a moment of “screw this I am giving up on everything.” As previously stated, I am in the midst of climbing out of the hole I dug for myself. I am tired of sitting at the bottom of the hole.
I sometimes hit a large wall that makes me realize that I am not happy with the way I am living. Last Monday, I hit a really big wall. The Lord, in His infinite grace, gently nudged me and made me realize that I was trying to hold everything in my hands. I have always been one to try to hold it all, and the weight of the world finally became too heavy.
There is a specific moment in a believer’s life where we realize that our initial surrender will not be enough. The paradox of death to self is more than a one time deal. The journey to that realization sometimes is long and full of heartache, but the moment you realize it, the weight is lifted. Suddenly you can see again.
This era of our world has been awful to watch, but in the quiet of my heart, the Lord has birthing something new. Like always, He has been taking a time that could be empty and lonely and using it for His glory. Through what could have ended up being a wasted space, the Lord has been painting something new.
That has become something I look forward to daily. He is stirring up something new in my heart and I can’t wait to see what it is going to be.
In this waiting for the unveiling, I have been charged, to some extent, to get my act together, which I find hilarious. The Lord has a sense of humor, y’all, and it is one of the best things ever. He just calmly said to me one day, “Girl, you need to sleep. Please get yourself in order.” At the time, I was really sleep deprived so it was a little funny to me, but the next day, I knew it was time to change something.
In this pursuit of changing things, I have begun making a mental list of things I want to implement.
- I want to get to bed at a decent time. The thing that has been kicking my butt lately is when I stay up till 2-3am because I had nothing going on the next day. That is just dumb. Classic case of “feels fun in the moment, you will regret everything the next day.” Do not follow my example, friends. Go to sleep. Sleep is wonderful.
- I want to get up early. Naturally being a night owl, this hurts me. Even so, when I used to get up at seven, I would feel so good. It was as if my body was like a little plant who just needed to watch the sunrise. I want to do that again. The world is so peaceful in the morning.
- I want to read more books! I have been in a reading slump since maybe November and I want to break the cycle of not reading. I have several Sanderson books that are on my list, not to mention reading Jane Eyre or one of the other books I haven’t read yet on my shelves! I love reading! I want to do more of it! XD
- I want to allow myself to say no based on what the Lord says. Recently I have been pressuring myself to do things and take part in things because I think that is what I “am supposed to be doing as the person that I am.” Just because there is something that matches what I do or want to do, doesn’t mean I need to do it. I have to take a breath and ask Jesus what He wants me to do.
- Breathe more. Do you ever just breathe? It’s so nice. When your lungs expand enough to make a calm little pocket in your stomach, that’s the best part. Just sitting and breathing reminds me of how precious and wonderful life is. Wow, guys, it’s beautiful.
I think the desire to feel things again reflects the stirring in my heart. I believe something good is coming, and in order to be the best I can be to receive that good change, I have to be in a healthy place mentally and spiritually.
In addition to these things, I am keeping my focus on Jesus. Revival is happening across the globe right now, and I would be amiss to not recognize that. I know something big is happening, and I don’t want to fill myself with things that aren’t doing good or keeping me alert to the working of the Holy Spirit.
I would encourage you to make a little list like this one, because chances are, we are all somewhat in the same boat. Start making little changes in your life, gradually and carefully. Get your rest. Eat a salad every once and a while. Wake up at a decent hour. Call your friends. Read a good book. Take care of your family. Go pet a dog.
There is so much good in the world despite all of the evil, and the Lord is calling us to attention. But before we receive the goodness He has planned, we have to first be able to receive.
I don’t know about you, but I am ready for my proverbial cup to overflow. It’s time to clear the stale water out of the cup so it has the capacity to do so.
Sweet friends, if you have tips for self care or just basic care things, leave them down in the comments. I really hope that this has been helpful or at least pleasant to read. Let’s keep encouraging and building each other up. Hold tight to your faith. God is so good!
love you guys!