new. // a free-form poem + catchin’ up

Hey y’all!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! I know I already said that on New Years Day, but I figured since I hadn’t really done much in that post read: anything, I thought that I should catch y’all up a little bit!

(this could be a fairly chatty post!!)

So as some of you may know, I was out on the West Coast for the holidays. I got to visit my family and friends, and it was very very nice. (if you follow my friend and I’s band, you’d know that we also got to record some lovely videos for you!!)

Things have been a tad crazy, but that is never a new thing for the holidays. I’m still a little jet-lagged, but I’m recovering quickly and being fairly productive in spite of it. Even as winter break is ending, I’m still trying to remember to read books just for fun and write things for myself, not just school papers. (even though I love those…) Speaking of reading…

My bestie got me the first book of the Mistborn series by Brandon Sanderson! (NO SPOILERS I’M LIKE THREE CHAPTERS IN) It’s really good so far, and his worldbuilding and overall writing skills are ASTOUNDING. I’m going to try to keep reading it even with my books for English class.

The countdown has begun for spring break… not that I don’t like school, it’s just that you reach the point in the year where you’re just like “Yeah I’d be completely fine if I didn’t have to do this anymore.” I just want to graduate XD just two and a half more years. *HEAVY sigh*

While things have been crazy, I had a little bit of time before things started revving up for the holiday season and I did something really cool with a certain project of mine!!! Remember The Wolf of Talfryn?

*drumroll*

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I ORDERED 20 COPIES OF IT LIKE PROFESSIONALLY AND GAVE IT TO MY FAMILY AND A FEW OTHER PEOPLE AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can’t believe I actually did! As many of you know, giving someone a hard copy of something you’ve worked on is waaaaaaay more nerve-racking than just sending/posting it digitally. Even so, it’s gotten pretty good feedback so far! there have been a couple things I noticed but hey we make mistakes and it was only twenty copies I can fix things. So that’s been pretty exciting!! It’s kind of insane to hold your book in your hands. So cool!

Hey, I promised you a poem I wrote!

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The clock is nearing vertical perfection, but there are still minutes left. Minutes left of what was. The familiar.

Tick.

It’s going to be new all over again. Why does there always have to be new? Fresh starts are said to be good things, but I dread them with everything in me.

Tick.

Have I done what I’ve needed to do this year? Did I miss opportunities? I’m going to have to build stability from scratch as if I hadn’t done that every year prior. Why does this always have to happen? I’m being evicted from the castle and being pushed into the streets of the unknown.

Tick.

There will be too much change this year, God. Please don’t make me leave this place where I’ve traveled every path and know every cloud like the back of my hand. Please don’t open my eyes again. I prefer to sit and close my eyes and pretend I see the sky. I want to fly, but from the ground. Too much change. Too much.

Tick.

My eyelids flutter open. The clock has begun the ten-second countdown. I feel my heart twist as if I’m on a rollercoaster that’s plummeting towards the ground. I can’t stop time. This is inevitable. It’s a normal thing; always happening, and always will be. I can’t do anything.

“Ten!”

This is it.

“Nine!”

My breathing slows against my will.

“Eight!”

I close my eyes, fighting back tears. It isn’t the end of the world, right? They say the future is brighter than any flashback…

“Seven!”

I’ll be okay. The change can’t hurt me, after all.

“Six!”

I tense, realizing how close I am to the new year. I change my mind. I can’t do it.

“Five!”

“Four!”

“Three!”

“Two!”

“One!”

All in that moment, everything explodes.

“Happy New Year!!!”

Fireworks, poppers, people screaming the good wishes to all, somewhere someone is blasting Auld Lang Syne… it’s overwhelming.

But in that blur, in the noise and my tears, there’s a gentle whisper.

“Do not be afraid; be strong and courageous. I will always be with you, just like there will always be another fresh start. Come with Me, my darling, into the great, big, beautiful tomorrow.”

And amidst the chaos and confusion, I exhaled.

Off we go.

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❤ based on true events ❤

K that’s I got for you today! Next week I think I will be getting to a fun thing my sweet friend Addie tagged me for! I’m so excited to be back with y’all!

Now go forth, mis amigos and amigas, and smile. Your day is just beginning. Make the best of it. Don’t procrastinate. Work hard. Make me proud. 🙂

Love you all,

Madeleine